Hilarious Parody courtesy of Landline TV

Teddy

My heart broke when I realized he would never be President.  My heart breaks again knowing that he is gone.  He was my first candidate, the man I so wanted to reach the White House.  But that night in Chappaquidick kept him from being President, and as he would probably agree, rightfully so.  It was a huge lapse in judgment.  But eventually he took full responsibility and did his penance through a life of service.  He was a visionary in regard to what it took to make this a better world, and a realist in regard to what it took to get there.  He had the strangest bedfellows – conservatives who he would team with to pass monumental legislation in so many areas.  Ask politicians like Sen. Hatch who they respected most – it would likely have been Sen. Kennedy.  The fact that health care reform is on the table is due to him, and if he was in good health the last few months, we would have it today.  He crushed me when he endorsed Obama over Hillary and part of me will never understand that, but I respect his reasoning.  Respect he deserves; tribute even more.  So much of what is good in our world we owe to him.

Excerpts from my Facebook Rant

In the marketplace of ideas, truth is the central component to proper decision-making. If you are going to denigrate health care reform, please make sure you base it on the facts.

Why is health care reform relevant to you? Because you are only one job loss away from losing your coverage and if you get another job, then you are faced with the "pre-existing conditions" obstacle. Health care reform is not simply about... giving coverage to the uninsured, it is about controlling spiraling health care costs that will soon make health care cost prohibitive for the majority of Americans. Think about your rising premiums; think about your rising deductibles; think about what happens if you or one of your family members faces a major illness.

The reality is that a majority of Americans favor some type of heath care reform, and the reality is that when Americans learn the facts about the Democrats' proposals, they support this type of health care reform. Don't you owe it to your...self to learn the facts rather than rely on those who seek to gain from distorting the truth?Read More

Also for those who suggest that health care is not a right, if the right to bear arms (and therefore imperil life) is a right, then shouldn't the ability to save life be a right as well?

And for those who fear larger deficits, our President has said the plan has to be revenue neutral. Plus where were you when our prior administration led us into an ill-fated war over illusory WMD; a war for which we are still paying today and will be for years.

I do apologize for the flurry of posts, but I am passionate about this issue. A couple of days ago, a group of us from my church provided dinner to homeless teens. None of them seemed to be enjoying their homelessness. As for benefits, they get at... most 18 months of benefits then they have to head back to the streets. There is no health care on the streets. A just society thinks about all members of society.

Hasn't the last year shown us that immensely qualified people can lose their jobs through no fault of their own? And with it, they lose their health care? Why should the ability of people and their families to get health care be reliant on their job?

You tell them, Barney!!!

Britney Is Back B * * *H

A Swan Song Swan Song

Every summer the ACME Law Department has interns from local law schools, and this year we had a record nine interns. All but three ended their programs last Friday, and I poured my heart and soul into a farewell email. But one of the remaining interns, Lara, wanted one for her last day today even though I included her in last week’s farewell. So I had to dig really deep for this one.

Landon/Lara,
You both are the swanest of the swans.
Your names both begin with a “L”;
that much I can definitely say.
Also you both are towards the end of the alphabet;
An experience to which I am unable to relate.
One of you has ACL/MCL/meniscus issues;
Hopefully the other does not.
One of you recently went to Montana;
I don’t know if the other one ever has.
While I was not exposed to your work product,
I can say with assurance that you both shall excel.
One of you will grapple with law and policy;
The other will handle patents galore.
But no matter what happens,
What challenges life may bring,
No matter how contentious a case,
Or vexing an issue,
Always remember,
That your names will always both begin
With a “L”.

Forget Teen's Choice, Miley has shot at Olympic Gold

Apparently the Olympics are considering pole dancing as an Olympic sport. While this "sport" would likely garner its fair share of rhythmic gymnasts seeking another medal, it may draw some celebrities who have demonstrated some skills with poles. Madonna would have to be the favorite given the prowess she displayed on her last tour. Kim Kardashian may be a contender for the mere fact that she has one in her bedroom so she could practice 24-7 (wouldn't it be ironic is she joined stepdad, Bruce Jenner as an Olympic medalist?). Britney would have to be in the running as well and Demi Moore may be the Dana Torres of the sport. As for Miley, clearly she needs more practice.

ABDC

The arrival of a new season of America’s Best Dance Crew (“ABDC”) is always bittersweet for me.  While I am thrilled to see America’s best crews display their talents, it also reminds me of the frustration I have experienced in organizing a dance crew at ACME.  Unfortunately my talents are wasted on this motley crew of dancers who disdain practice and whose idea of technique is doing the “Lawn Mower.”  This must have been how P. Diddy felt when he tried to train dancers for his tours.  There is a glimmer of hope, however.  Ironically, the tragic death of the Gloved One has freed up his stable of dancers plus there is an excellent farm system of dancers living in the Jackson mansion including those who may or may not be saplings from the MJ tree and other Jackson kin including Jermajesty Jackson.  And as more possible spawn of MJ are discovered the greater the pool of talent.  If I successfully recruit even half of these elite dancers I will be able to unveil my newest performance piece in the Castle Rock Kitchen.  Yes, I am going to recreate the infamous Pepsi commercial in which MJ’s hair looked like a bonfire.  Stay tuned.

This Movie Looks Like it Will Be Excellent

I never read the book, but if the trailer is any indication, I will definitely see the movie.

The Pot Calling the Kettle Black

The other day I had the privilege to go see Rep. Nancy Pelosi give a press conference at the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless which provides housing and medical care for the homeless.  ACME lawyers, thanks to the initiative of former ACME lawyer, Dagwood, runs a legal clinic there, and I volunteer at that clinic.  So the CCH kindly invited us to the press conference.  As we walked there on the scorching hot day, from blocks away we could see the protest signs.  When we were about a block away, I read one of the signs a woman was carrying and on it it contained the words “you politician” instead of “you politicians.”  I was not going to say anything but as we passed her she thrust the sign in my face.  So I told her, “your sign is missing an “s”.”  She gave me a quizzical look and I walked on.  I am sure at some point in the past and likely some point in the future this woman would have also protested about immigration and probably exhorted that all people living in the U.S. need to know English.  Shouldn’t such people learn their own language first before demanding that others learn it?  Perhaps if we funded our educational system more the protester would have had a more articulate sign.

Jeff Gordon, I am Not

I had my first and perhaps my last go-karting experience of my life this past Wednesday.  I should have known when I was heading down the dirt road to the “track” that this would end badly.  I was hoping for a nice oval track but instead got one with more hairpins than Marie Antoinette’s hairdo.  And the karts were glorified lawn mowers, and I don’t mean riding mowers, but literally the engine part of the mower with a seat wedged on the end.  But I decided to give it a go.  Big mistake!  I should have hung out with cute girl running the show; maybe she would have let me be the flag enforcer.  Instead I ventured out.  Even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, at every turn I would brake to ensure I would not spin out.  Little did I know I would probably have been safer spinning out and therefore on the grass safe from the manic interns and my lead foot colleagues (four of them were reprimanded for aggressive driving with the “black flag”; I wonder if they will include that in their resumes).

I was passed left, right, and sometime it felt like center.  I think at one point one intern, Danitella Versace, passed me on the edge of the track.  I must have been lapped a couple of times by Kashi Dan (seriously, who knew Kelloggs made Kashi?).  It was the longest 10 minutes of my life.  My only solace was that  I missed the dustup caused by Dandrea Patric who before spinning off the track nearly took out three other drivers (I think she thought we had actually picked bowling instead of go-karting). 

Just my luck, my performance is memorialized on film, video, and in the memories of all who attended.  But I vow not only to pick myself up by the bootstrap or the helmet strap but to train for a future rematch.  I am either going to enlist the little kid (who was doing 60 mph turns on the track) or the cute girl as my Yoda/Princess Leia and master this kart thing (either that or figure out how to get on the kiddie course as soon as possible).

Heaven and Hell in the Garden of Brighton

In one of the most cosmically ironic quirks of scheduling, the Christian rock festival, HeavenFest, is on the same weekend and in the same town as the Adams County Fair.  HeavenFest appears to be a musical festival without the “festiv”eness.  Alcohol is banned, as are bikinis, and bellybuttons (well, you can keep your bellybutton but you cannot bare your belly).  Apparently the organizers forgot that at the Wedding at Cana wine was free-flowing thanks to Jesus’ miracle.  And they seem to overlook that Eve was baring much more than her bellybutton in the Garden of Eden.

Meanwhile, over at the Adams County Fair, I am sure that not only will there be alcohol and bellybuttons but that alcohol will be poured over said bellies and perhaps even licked off the bellies.  Could you imagine the shock if one of the HeavenFesters attended the ACF by mistake?  Inevitably there will be some inadvertent mixing of the two crowds, perhaps at the Kum’n’Go (I am not making that name up) the famed convenience store in Brighton.  I think they call this mixing of the tribes, ARMAGEDDON.   

Be careful, you Facebooking Lawyers

From the ABA Journal:

Facebooking Judge Catches Lawyer in Lie, Sees Ethical Breaches #ABAChicago
Posted Jul 31, 2009, 03:16 pm CDT
By Molly McDonough

Galveston, Texas-area lawyers on Facebook may want to double-check their friends list, especially if they’re about to appear before Judge Susan Criss.

That’s because Criss, a state court judge who is learning to adapt to social media as a way to connect with long-lost friends and is leveraging Facebook as a judicial campaign tool, has also learned a few things she didn’t expect.

Biggest surprise: Even lawyers don’t fully grasp how public social media is, even when privacy controls are in place.

“Anyone can cut and paste,” said Criss, who was part of a Friday ABA Annual Meeting program “Courts and Media in the 21st Century: Twitterers, Bloggers, the New Media, the Old Media, and What's a Judge to Do?” sponsored by the ABA’s Judicial Division.

Criss recalled one time that a lawyer asked for a continuance because of the death of her father. The lawyer had earlier posted a string of status updates on Facebook, detailing her week of drinking, going out and partying. But in court, in front of Criss, she told a completely different story.

Then there was the lawyer who complained about having to handle a motion in Criss’s court. Criss playfully zinged her, too—on Facebook, of course.

Criss has seen lawyers on the verge of crossing, if not entirely crossing, ethical lines when they complain about clients and opposing counsel. And she admonished one family member who jeopardized her own tort case by bragging online about how much money she would get from a lawsuit.

The judge's near-breathless accounts of questionable online activity by members of the bench and bar had many in the audience wondering whether Facebook, Twitter and their ilk are worth the headache.

To Criss, there's no going back. With self-imposed ground rules—no politics, no blogging about cases—she's steaming right ahead.

Indeed, she's among a growing number of lawyers and judges who have begun using Facebook for personal, professional and public interest reasons.

JD Supra this week started an attempt to track lawyers using Facebook, much in the same way it is tracking lawyers on Twitter.

Judges questioned Criss for more details about her ground rules. And they asked whether the ABA should be exploring model rules relating to Twitter and Facebook.

Criss said she’s the first to admit these social networks are new to her, but her ground rules are simple. She follows her ethical canons and is careful about what she says and who she friends. Yes to all lawyers—to avoid an appearance that she favors one side over another. Friending the general public is trickier. So far, she's been more selective.

As for whether the ABA needs to address social media in its Model Rules, she and other panelists said no. “The rules are pretty good,” Criss said. That’s not to say that the ABA shouldn’t explore new media and its impact on lawyers, judges and the law.

“The medium is always going to change,” she said. “We need to always adapt.”

A Historic Day for America

Follow the link to see ACME Corp.'s very own Mary celebrate the confirmation of the first Hispanic Justice.

http://www.9news.com/video/default.aspx?maven_playerId=newsarticleplayer&maven_referralPlaylistId=playlist&maven_referralObject=1207547490