Farewell, Shelly

The following is a story I passed on to the family of Shelly Courington, who was a former teacher at my son's school. She passed away this weekend after a long battle with a very rare, and ultimately untreatable, form of ovarian cancer. She was 42 and leaves behind her husband and three kids.

I knew Shelly as Ms. Shelly, an assistant at DCS Montessori School. The school has an annual fundraising silent/live auction and Shelly donated a "Day at the Zoo" with her. I bid on the item because my son (who must have been 4 or 5 at the time) loved the zoo. He had been to both the Denver and Colorado Springs zoos on numerous occasions. Shelly took him and one of his school friends as well as her son to the Denver Zoo. It must have been a magical day because our son returned as if this was his first trip to the zoo; he discovered so much and was filled with stories. Plus he is normally quite shy and reserved at the start but it was apparent that he had felt comfortable with Shelly instantly. Shelly memorialized the day for him with a little picture album filled with various animals, interspersed with pictures of him sporting the biggest smile ever. In fact, I think the picture of her (see above), used on Shell's Bells Run website may have been from that day at the zoo.

Clearly she could leave an indelible impression on anyone, no matter what the age. Her kindness will be greatly missed.

Random Thoughts from the Weekend

• More signs that there will be a Rock of Love
  Light Rail series – the Rock of Love Bus winner, Taya Patrick, is doing another Penthouse spread. Unlike Bret likes his women being exhibitionists (post-victory exhibitionists since they are all exhibitionists during the show), their attempt to rekindle the flame may be waning;
  
• Poor Britney – she started her concert saying, "It is really great to be in Sacramento." Too bad she was performing in San Jose at the time. I guess her home schooling did not include geography.
  
• Josh McDaniels is trying his best to channel his inner Bellichick, but essentially making Alphonso Smith their 2010 first round pick in the second round of 2009 makes no sense (particularly since the 2010 pick would likely be one of the top five picks). Almost as bad as the Raiders picking the third-best receiver with the number 7 pick.
  
• I watched the Celebrity Apprentice for the first time this year and what a doozy. It featured dueling Jesse James and Clint Black and a former Playboy playmate, Brande Roderick (who lamented that she has to work harder to prove herself because of her beauty), teaming with Annie Duke, the Poker Queen. But the highlight was Melissa Rivers throwing a tantrum when she was "fired," Joan quitting in sympathy for her daughter, and Joan saying that power players are worse than "white trash."
  
• Apparently the Craigslist Killer also solicited men via websites and sent them explicit pictures of himself. I wonder if his fiancée still thinks they have the wrong man?
  
• Obsessed was the top movie over the weekend; was there any doubt that a movie-length cat fight between Beyonce and Ali Larter would draw them in? The irony is the fact that the dour boss from The Office, the one who drove Michael to quit, was the man they were fighting.
  
• R.I.P. Bea Arthur (and then came Maude).

Party Planner Extraordinaire

Among her many talents, apparently Serena Algeria is also a party planner. As I went to a meeting last week, I found her staging a baby shower. I must admit I was a bit taken aback since I did not associate party planning with Serena (especially since, upon information and belief, Dagwood and Blondie are still waiting for Serena to reciprocate their dinner invitation). I was almost tempted to crash said shower but I only saw a couple of balloons and some random plastic silverware so I was unsure about how festive the party would be. Plus I did not know who the showeree was. It is hard to keep up with pregnancies on Acme's 9^th Floor a/k/a the "Fertility" floor since there must have been over a hundred pregnancies on that floor since I started at ACME. Now the conceptions did not actually occur on the floor but there must be something in the air or water that it makes it more conducive for its residents to procreate. Acme's 10^th Floor is the polar opposite. It is like the island on Lost where no babies are born, but unlike the island no one even gets pregnant. In fact, the only pregnant resident of the floor quit her job to become a full time mom. So don't expect any of Serena's showers on the 10^th Floor.

I Love You, Man

I Love You, Man is the first in a trilogy of movies I am anxious to see this Spring. The other two are Adventureland and State of Play. ILYM lived up to its plaudits. It delicately handled the sensitive topic of bromances. There are essentially two ways to develop a bromance. One is to have MTV produce a show for you where you can pick your brofriend out of 20 guys as Brodie Jenner did. The other is to utilize modern day dating search rituals except this time you are searching for a bro as opposed to a babe. This is what the character in ILYM did. The movie successfully establishes a new genre for movies – bromantic comedies – and while there may be some overlaps with romantic comedies, the moral of this movie is that bromances are more than romances. In addition, we learn that bromances have to be nurtured with great patience and that bromances can tend to eclipse romances if one is not careful. We also learn that if your reggae imitation accent sounds like a leprechaun you should scrap it. So set aside a couple hours for quality bromance – you will not be disappointed.

Borrowing from Pol Pot

A disturbing article from the NY Times, which apparently decided to focus on investigative journalism as opposed to organizing "Tea Parties," indicates that the previous Administration did very little homework before instituting the SERE program that includes the controversial torture techniques including waterboarding. For instance, they did not know that the US prosecuted waterboarding techniques during the Nuremburg trials. They did not realize that waterboarding has been a favorite method of despotic governments since the Spanish Inquisition and that Pol Pot was a big proponent of waterboarding. And the military psychologist who was accorded a lot of "expert" deference by the Administration had never conducted an actual interrogation. Of course, despite all this, Cheney will tell us that the information derived justified the techniques. Assuming arguendo that valuable information was elicited, no examination was done as to research suggesting that less invasive and torturous methods would produce the same information and that the SEER techniques may lead to a lot of false confessions.

So, ironically In a week in which so much attention is paid to a smile and a handshake made with a "ruthless dictator" whose litany of transgressions has been documented all week, stories of how the prior Administration endorsed torture techniques used by Chinese and Korean Communists and Pol Pot are brushed under the rug. Which is the greater transgression?

Watch Your Eyes at LensCrafters

I was at the Park Meadows LensCrafters picking up a new pair of glasses. I should have known I would be in store for an extraordinary experience when the manager and one of the technicians were comparing their bust sizes when I went up to ask for assistance. After the awkward interruption, the technician offered to help me (with my glasses not my bust size). After using an assortment of equipment to properly gauge the measurements for the glasses, there came a quite unscientific measurement. I was asked to put on the glasses and the technician took a Sharpie and tried to mark on the glass where my pupil was. After she marked the dot, the manager has to verify the placement of the dot. So the manager asked me to put on the glasses. She then told me I was staring upwards and asked me to look down. She kept telling me to look down until her décolletage was right in my line of sight. Before I could even avert my glance she slapped me; it was playful (or so I hope) but it was a slap nevertheless. Even the technician seemed taken aback; so much so that when it came to the other eye she did it herself and assured me there would be no slap. So not only does LensCrafters offer quality eyewear and service; at Park Meadows you can get a gratuitous slap.

Rock of Love 4: The Light Rail?

Why is Bret Michaels incapable of finding true love? Or does he even want to? After all VH-1 is willing to provide him 24 women at each stage; it is like a perpetually refreshing harem. And believe me, the way he kissed the runner-up on the reunion show for the Rock of Love Bus suggests that "happily ever after" may not be a concept in his lexicon of love. Perhaps his heart was fatally wounded by the rose that had that thorn and he is unable to commit, and again VH-1 is providing him no reason to commit. After all, this show has resurrected his career. He has gone from playing dive bars to outdoor arenas. I am sure he has been able to buy a whole new set of bandanas, t-shirts, and faded jeans at the very least. But his judgment may not have improved. In the latest iteration, he dumped Mindy, a woman that is still head over heels in love with him three months after the show ended, for Taya, a former Penthouse Pet, who is now currently a "featured" stripper (not sure what that means). Leafing through this week's Westword, I was amazed to see she was appearing at La Boheme, a local strip club where apparently she will be featured. Somehow I doubt that Bret is touring with her; although I find the concept of her doing a stripper-pole opening act for a Poison/Whitesnake double bill to be the next step in rock marketing. What is worse for poor Bret (who can be sympathetic at times with his diabetes and his love of the Steelers) is that Danny Bonaduce is claiming that Taya tried to seduce him. When Danny is claiming a dalliance with your gal, you know you are in trouble. Meanwhile, poor Mindy, who laid her heart on the table and perhaps much more, is left pining away. Who knows – she may get her own show just like Daisy has? All I know is that ring for Taya may keep burning a hole in Bret's pocket. But I am sure he will have no problem finding 24 more women willing to be the consolation, and consoling, prize.

Remedial History?

I don't get it. I thought the Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation.

The Boston Tea Party was a direct action protest by colonists in Boston, a town in the British colony of Massachusetts, against the British government. On December 16, 1773, after officials in Boston refused to return three shiploads of taxed tea to Britain, a group of colonists boarded the ships and destroyed the tea by throwing it into Boston Harbor. The incident remains an iconic event of American history, and has often been referenced in other political protests.
The Tea Party was the culmination of a resistance movement throughout British America against the Tea Act, which had been passed by the British Parliament in 1773. Colonists objected to the Tea Act for a variety of reasons, especially because they believed that it violated their constitutional right to be taxed only by their own elected representatives. Protestors had successfully prevented the unloading of taxed tea in three other colonies, but in Boston, embattled Royal Governor Thomas Hutchinson refused to allow the tea to be returned to Britain. He apparently did not expect that the protestors would choose to destroy the tea rather than concede the authority of a legislature in which they were not directly represented.

Are the 21^st century tea protesters contending they are not part of a participatory democracy or are they asking for their "participatory" democracy? We know how well their shot at governance worked.

Breaking News Alert -- What an Afternoon!!!

Harry Kallas, Mark Fidrych and Marilyn Chambers all died; Phil Spector is convicted; and Dagwood's paperweight may have died as well.

Soon to be a Lifetime Movie

From the WSJ Law Blog:
Strange Toilet Test at Issue in Wisconsin Murder Trial
An AP story from Sunday opens with this odd line: “If you are a female about 5 feet 8 inches tall, 140 pounds and willing to stick your head in a toilet, a northern Wisconsin prosecutor wants your help in proving a high-profile homicide case.”

We're of half a mind to end the post there, but here's the explanation: The district attorney way up in Vilas County plans to recruit volunteers for a second round of tests designed to prove that a woman was drowned by her husband in a toilet - and didn't commit suicide as he claims. (For this task, we hope that by “volunteer,” the district attorney really means “someone to whom we will pay a significant sum of money.”)

Prosecutors contend Douglas Plude murdered his 28-year-old wife because she was about to leave him. They say he poisoned her with a migraine drug and pushed her face into the toilet to drown her while she vomited. Plude says his wife was depressed and committed suicide by taking the pills on her own and then drowned. He claims he found his wife slumped over the vomit-filled toilet and that he tried to perform CPR to keep her alive.

Plude was convicted of murder back in 2002, but the Wisconsin Supreme Court threw out the conviction last year after learning that an expert witness who conducted the first round of toilet tests exaggerated his credentials. The expert had testified that Plude's wife could not have inhaled toilet water on her own.

Defense lawyers from across the country have derided the tests and call them an example of unfair expert testimony.

Unfazed by the controversy, Vilas County District Attorney Al Moustakis has hired Christopher Damm of the Milwaukee School of Engineering to do a second round of tests. Judge Neal Nielsen III last month granted his request to allow the testing of the toilet and a floor display of the bathroom in the court's custody.

Damm, an associate professor of mechanical engineering, said he is a consultant in accident reconstruction and has testified in civil cases but this would be his first criminal case. As for claims that it's junk science, he said: “I don't think you can make blanket statements like that. It would take an understanding of why the tests are being done and the methods that were used.”

This Wise Traffic Judge Is Needed in Adams County

Rambunctious 6-Year-Old Gets Day in Traffic School (Sort Of)

Let's give you some lighter-than-usual fare heading into the holiday weekend (sort of like the dog-that-can-work-a-household-appliance story that seems to end most local nightly newscasts.)

Our version of that: a six-year-old-gets-sentenced-to-traffic-school story.

Yes, it's true. According to this story a magistrate judge in Los Lunas, N.M., sent a 6-year-old to a modified version of traffic school after the boy's mother received a traffic ticket for refusing to restrain the child.

Okay, okay. Now, before you send off angry letters to the magistrate judge, John "Buddy" Sanchez, consider a few things:

First, the mother reportedly asked for the punishment. The boy always took his seat belt off despite her pleas, the mother said, and asked Sanchez to help her discipline the child. "He took off his seat belt, I pulled over again and put it on and he took it off right in front of the cop," said Jessica who did not release her full name to reporter Maria Medina at KQRE.com.

After making her plea, Judge Sanchez agreed that it was Jessica's son who needed to learn a lesson so he ordered her to take the young offender to traffic school.

Not surprisingly, traffic school for 6 year-olds doesn't exist as, in this country at least, 6 year-olds don't drive. So in order to effect his sentence, Sanchez had to get creative. He reached out to a local drivers-ed instructor. The pair came to a compromise: "Full seat-belt school," Sanchez said.

Jessica agreed to take her son to a seat-belt safety class, which is expected to start in a month. They'll attend together and also learn other traffic safety measures.

But it looks like the lesson has already been learned. "I think it's a very good idea," said Jessica. "He did it all the time until Judge Buddy Sanchez talked to him."

21st Century Boston Tea Party?

From Media Matters: (hasn't Fox discovered Twitter like the Moldovans have?)

This week, Media Matters for America
released a damning new report that documents in startling detail how Fox News has been promoting anti-Obama "tea party" protests across the country scheduled for April 15. That's right, despite its repeated insistence that its coverage is "fair and balanced" and its invitation to viewers to "say 'no' to biased media," in recent weeks, Fox News has frequently aired segments encouraging viewers to get involved with tea-party protests, which the "news" network has often described as primarily a response to President Obama's fiscal policies.

Specifically, Fox News has in dozens of instances provided attendance and organizing information for future protests, such as protest dates, locations, and website URLs. Fox News websites have also posted information and publicity material for protests. Fox News hosts have repeatedly encouraged viewers to join them at several protests that they are attending and covering. Tea-party organizers have used the planned attendance of the Fox News hosts to promote their protests. Fox News has also aired numerous interviews with protest organizers. Moreover, Fox News contributors are listed as "Tea Party Sponsor[s]" on TaxDayTeaParty.com.

For his part, Glenn Beck, Fox's conspiracy theorist in chief, isn't just helping with turnout. Discussing his participation in the upcoming protest at the Alamo in San Antonio on his syndicated radio program, Beck announced, "I'm going to do a fundraiser for them" to help defray costs. "So you can come and you can have lunch with me. ... I don't know any of the details, but I've heard it's like $500 a plate or something like that."

Of course, the gang over at Fox hasn't taken kindly to Media Matters' pointing out its shameless promotion of these blatantly, unabashedly political events. On April 9, one day after the release of Media Matters' report, Fox News' Neil Cavuto and Beck discussed how "left-wing organizations like Media Matters" are "angry ... at us for covering these protests." Jeez, why would anyone be angry that a "news" outlet is promoting, fundraising for, and taking part in political protests?

Perhaps sensing that people might be catching on to the major role Fox is playing in the events, Cavuto pre-emptively critiqued news coverage of the tea-party protests, essentially panning the evil liberal media for their coverage of the events before they've even taken place.

Another Primer on Developing Street Cred

A crucial way to develop cred on the street, and I am not talking California Street, is to understand the latest in rap and hip-hop lyrical stylin'. To this end, I suggest you bookmark Understanding Rap on your Internet Explorer. It provides interpretations such as the following:

 

y'all think I'm gonna let my dough freeze

Term from Song: Forgot About Dre on Album: Chronic 2001 by Artist: Dr. Dre

not a reference to putting off baking and preserving bread dough, instead this is a way of saying that I am going to continue making money (my bank account will not be frozen at its current balance)

What White House Lawyers Made Before Becoming White House Lawyers

Perhaps most staggering is what Profs at Top Ten Law Schools Make

White House Lawyers Report their Private Sector Salaries
Private sector life was good to many of the lawyers now staffing President Barack Obama’s Office of White House Counsel. Financial disclosure forms released this month show that lawyers from universities and, of course, private law firms made well above what they’re likely to bring home as White House lawyers. (In 2008, lawyer salaries in the White House Counsel’s office ranged from $100,000 to $172,200.)

Gregory Craig, now White House counsel, will be the highest paid lawyer in the counsel’s office, but his paycheck won’t measure up to his earnings at Williams & Connolly, where he made $1.7 million as a partner last year. (More on Craig’s financial disclosures here.)

Norman Eisen, now special counsel to the president for ethics and government reform, made $1.3 million as a partner at Zuckerman Spaeder.

Associate counsel Jonathan Kravis and Christian Weideman made $220,000 and $310,000 respectively as associates at Williams & Connolly.

Susan Sher, associate counsel to the president and counsel to the first lady, previously brought home $718,477 from the University of Chicago Medical Center, where she was general counsel and vice president for legal and governmental affairs.

Daniel Meltzer, principal deputy counsel, made $371,454 at Harvard Law School, where he was the Story Professor of Law and the vice dean for physical planning.

Associate counsel for national security affairs Trevor Morrison made $276,667 at Columbia University School of Law as a professor. His disclosure also shows that he made $68,073 from Cornell University Law School.

Allison Nathan, an associate counsel, earned $135,000 as an assistant professor at Fordham University Law School, and took home a $40,0000 fellowship from the New York University School of Law.

Presumptions

As we all know there is normally a “presumption” of innocence in our judicial system. But for Beautiful Disaster there may be a presumption of guilt – at least when it comes to traffic offenses. This week, she was pulled over for not having a front license plate, and sporting a tinted cover on her back license plate. Her defenses, however, far from exonerating her, serve to buttress the case against her. For instance, she argues that there were far more egregious things wrong with her vehicle such as the tint on her windows. She also argues that on the times she was stopped before (which belies her clean driving record argument), the police officer never commented on the license plate. Finally, she tries to read in an aesthetic defense to the license plate defense. As she recited her defenses, it became apparent that perhaps her best hope would be a presumption of silence, on her part.

Hilarity from Jimmy Kimmel

"Two thousand years from now, all of human life will be traced back to three families: the Madonnas, Octomoms, and Jolie-Pitts."

Hope

Barack Obama's promises of hope appear to be materializing, at least according to the latest NY Times poll which finds Americans hopeful despite the times. Compared to the lack of hope that permeated much of the "W" years this is a promising development. And at least stock declines are not dominating the headlines. Things are not good for the GOP, however, as the party's popularity is at historical lows. This can be attributed to SaPally being too preoccupied with demonizing her daughter's ex that she cannot navigate the GOP ship through the icebergs.

ALERT: Ronson not seeking RO against LiLo

Stories that Sam Ronson was seeking a restraining order against LiLo are apparently false. Ms. Ronson apparently did change her locks (locksmiths in LA must do quite well). Apparently Sam was the ditcher, and LiLo is devastated, but not devastated enough to refrain from Tweeting allegations of infidelity and drug use re Ms. Ronson. I doubt the former; who would ever cheat on LiLo? If you have filet mignon you do not opt for sirloin; maybe tenderloin or prime rib, but never sirloin.

Blog Warning re Ear Candling

The Spokane Ear, Nose, and Throat Clinic conducted a research study in 1996 which concluded that ear candling does not produce negative pressure and was ineffective in removing wax from the ear canal. Several studies have shown that ear candles produce the same residue when burnt without ear insertion and that the residue is simply candle wax and soot.

In October 2007, the FDA issued an alert identifying Ear Candles (a.k.a., Ear cones and Auricular candles) as "dangerous to health when used in the dosage or manner, or with the frequency or duration, prescribed, recommended, or suggested in the labeling thereof" ... "since the use of a lit candle in the proximity of a person's face would carry a high risk of causing potentially severe skin/hair burns and middle ear damage."

The Blog discovers the cure for America's Most Pressing Crisis

America, at least those who understand that the world is HSM I, II and III, and we are merely players in it, have been fraught with concern over Zac Effron's excess ear wax. The Blog has more concern for Vanessa Hudgens as excess ear wax is certainly problematic for any ear canoodling she may want to do. Thankfully, the Blog has learned of a cure for excess ear wax -- Ear Candling. Ear candling, also called ear coning or thermal-auricular therapy, is an alternative medicine practice claimed to improve general health and well-being by lighting one end of a hollow candle and placing the other end in the ear canal. One end of a cylinder or cone of waxed cloth is lit, and the other placed into the subject's ear. Usually the subject is lying on one side with the treated ear uppermost and the candle vertical, and can be stuck through a paper plate or aluminum pie tin to protect against any hot wax or ash falling down the side. However, some have the subject sit up, keep the candle nearly horizontal, and watch for dripping wax. Some candles have an internal filter to catch debris. The flame is cut back occasionally with scissors and extinguished between two and four inches from the subject. Its proponents claim that the flame creates negative pressure, drawing wax and debris out of the ear canal, which appears as a dark residue.