On Birth and Man

As a novice blogger, one thing I do not fear is ever running out of material. In addition to the world, which provides juicy stories every day, I have my network of friends who generate items as well (I still have in reserve stories about the relaxing vacation Mary is about to embark upon and the story of how Non-Blonde Elle fell into the Potomac after bring a Good Samaritan). For instance, a mere week in Dagwood’s life is filled with volumes of stories. If you are like me, you often wonder how Dagwood painted himself into a corner where he has to forego a Saturday morning basketball game with the guys to watch the kids while Blondie does yoga. But the more stories you hear, the more apparent the reason. For instance, when his wife went into labor with their first child, and was ready to head to the hospital, Dagwood had returned home from some sweat-inducing activity, presumably basketball. He asked Blondie if they could delay the hospital trek until he took a shower. Now we could spend days discussing the flaws in this request, but the most subtle but perhaps yet most poignant one is that it is a given that women after delivering are not in prime glamour mode. Yeah, yeah, there are all those statements about them “glowing” but I think even they would admit that it is rare that a woman has anything approaching a glamorous post-delivery picture moment. Their hair is disheveled, all their glands are in overload including their sweat ones; in short, they mimic the appearance of their husbands in the high school/collegiate years (unwashed, ball cap on head, wearing a sweatshirt, etc.) Digression Point – You know I think there could be a real market for hospitals providing something akin to a spa treatment after delivery. After all the baby is shipped out to be cleaned up, so why not use this time to clean up the mother? If the Jacuzzi has not been used as part of the childbirth process she could soak in it a while and then have her nails and hair done by one of the gift shop personnel now trained in beauty treatments. End Digression Point. So here Dagwood is asking for the opportunity to clean up not realizing that the woman he impregnated and caused to endure the pains of labor will not have such an opportunity. Given this, perhaps he has gotten off lightly with the yoga. And that is even before taking into consideration that on the second delivery, Dagwood was at a luncheon with his cell phone turned off, with Blondie frantically trying to get a hold of him.

Bike to Work Day

Tomorrow is Bike to Work Day so all you bikers please remember to do so so that the highways will be cleared out for my Drive to Work Day.

On Thongs

By now many of you may heard about the “Thong” litigation. If you have not, do a Google Search on it as this Blog is not a news service. Please make sure you do the Google Search at work. At any rate, the “Thong” case is poised to become a seminal case in products liability, a case that will live forever in law school textbooks. In fact, I anticipate this case will make it all the way up to the Supreme Court. I anticipate the oral argument will go something like this:

CJ Roberts: I know a defective thong when I see it and this is not a defective thong (ironically, no one has actually seen the thong in question since the incident since the Plaintiff refuses to produce it).

J. Scalia: I have scoured The Federalist Papers and find no mention of this thing called a “thong”. Therefore, I can find no original intent on this issue. Since the authority of the federal government rests on enumerated powers, this is an issue reserved to state governments.

J. Breyer: Not so fast, Tony. We must identify the prurient interest.

J. Thomas: Normally, I would agree with Tony but I would not mind examining the thong, I mean, the issue some more.

J. Ginsburg: While the antiquated cooling system in this antiquated building generally leads me to go au naturel I do on occasion sport a thong and find them to be quite pliable.

Seriously, though, I think the Plaintiff faces a proof issue. There seem to be a myriad of situations that could lead to a flying object from said thong. For instance, if a guy was assisting in the removal it could have been an inartful removal. Or perhaps they were using it as a Frisbee. Or perhaps the guy thought it was cute for him to try it on. Certainly since strict liability would not likely attach to the thong, Plaintiff would be hard pressed to establish “but for” causation.

All this talk about thongs leads me to raise another pressing issue of our times: women wearing boy shorts. Isn’t it bad enough that women foray into their significant other’s closets and appropriate their clothing? Now there is a whole product segment of “boy shorts” for women. Doesn’t this needlessly invoke troubling memories from high school phys ed classes? When this occurs should the guy start a spontaneous game of dodge ball in the boudoir? And if a guy finds a woman wearing boy shorts attractive is he harboring some homoerotic thoughts?
Finally, a story straight from today’s headlines. A woman was stuck on a mountain ledge with no help in sight. She found a supply line and attached her sports bra to it and waved it. Lo and behold a male ranger found her.

Levees

I read in the paper yesterday that the one levee that broke in Cedar Rapids was one in a "working class, racially diverse" neighborhood. In 2003 it was determined that vital repairs needed to be made to it, but they were never made because lack of federal funds. As we try to rebuild Iraq, a nation with bountiful oil revenue, our infrastructure crumbles. And, of course, we are unwilling to have our tax dollars devoted to this; we would rather take the risk of having bridges collapse and levees break.

A Father's Day Surprise

I stopped by a Subway near my house on Sunday evening to get dinner. When I got ready to pay, the sandwich gal whispered something to the manager. He then asked me if I was a father. I said yes, and then he said the sandwich was free. A pleasant surprise; rare is the day you get something for free.

Quads with Two Moms

Who says reality tv is played out? From Discovery Health comes a show about:

After three unsuccessful years of procedures using Karen's eggs and an anonymous sperm donor, the two women were almost ready to give up. Mentally and financially exhausted, Martha suggested using Martha's eggs, as she was younger than Karen. They also decided to up the odds by implanting two embryos into both moms. Miraculously, their plan worked -- better than expected. Each mom got pregnant … with two babies!

Reading this, my reality tv programming mind started racing [we interrupt this post for a PSA -- I am watching the tribute to Tim Russert and there is something seriously amiss with Maria Shriver's face. I think Kennedys were never meant to live in California]. Imagine the show possibilities: 1) a story on the anonymous sperm donor who kept shooting blanks; 2) based on the geneder breakdown of the kids, we could have a 21st Century Brady Bunch without Mike Brady; 3) all four kids could appear on Tila Tequila: A Shot at Love XXIV; 4) the kids appear on Real World: Brighton; 5) the kids appear on The L World's 25th Season.

I would hate to be . . .

. . . in Rocco Mediate's shoes right now. Well, I guess he would be out of his shoes and in bed (unless he is part of a rare breed that sleeps in their shoes), but he must be enduring a sleepless night (unless he took two Ambien -- in which case he may not wake up until tomorrow afternoon). Tiger's shot was money as was to be expected.