Latest 911 Call from the Woods Residence

911 Operator:  Hello, 911 Operator here.

Caller:  Woof, wooof, woofa, woo, Tony the Tiger, woof, wookie, wook. (Translation:  Hello, this is Tony the Tiger, Tiger’s dog.  Yeah, I know, he is really creative with pet names, NOT!!!).

911 Operator:  What is the emergency?

Caller:  Woof, wook, cook, look, @$%#! woof, wooo, woooooof, woof!  (Translation:  Please get me out of this [Jerry] house right now!  The people here are either cheatin’, poppin’, screamin’, or faintin’.)

911 Operator:  Sorry, with our recent budget cuts, and with Tiger’s money being offshore and therefore untaxable, we have no canine-trained EMTs.

Caller:  Woof, wooof, woo, woof, woofa, wfado, wooff woofof woof!  (Translation:  What kind of third world gated community is this?  I got better treatment when Kultida took me to Thailand.  At least can you send me some Kibble & Bits – no one has gone to buy dog food in days.  I am sick of eating those golf club covers).