Planes, Buggies and Automobiles

Anyone who has even glimpsed a page of “1001 Places to Visit Before You Die” knows what an incomplete feeling it leaves you with knowing that the task is so daunting that one would be lucky to visit ten of those places. To make the task somewhat easier, I will identify some places you should not visit before you die:

The Amish Country – One of my colleagues, Obama Girl, mentioned that her parents used to take them to the Amish Country on their vacations. Other than Harrison Ford, and M.Night Shayalman, I had not heard of anyone venturing into Amish country of their own volition.

Arkansas – Another colleague, Serena Egypt, ooops, I mean Serena Algeria, is spending her vacation in Arkansas because apparently that was a neutral location in the middle for various members of their clan. Moldova may be a neutral location in the middle for residents of Austria, Russia and Cyprus, but that does not mean anyone would go vacation there. One should wipe any state of the list that is too lazy to come up with an original state name and instead simply slaps on two letters in front of another state’s name.

The Bathroom Right When Your Daughter Is About to Throw Up – Yes, my dear readers, Dagwood was at it again. On their sojourn to Europe, Dagwood’s 5 year old daughter was sick and poised to vomit. Dagwood, of course, entered the bathroom and locked the door so when his daughter commenced throwing up she was relegated to the hallway and threw up all over a white rug. What Dagwood was doing in the bathroom at 2 am in the morning one dares not surmise.

Brighton – For those unaware of Brighton, I am not referring to the lovely coastal town in the UK. No this Brighton is somewhere near the border of Wyoming (in fact, I suspect it was actually blown into Wyoming after a particularly fierce windstorm). Other than being the town in which A Beautiful Disaster lives, Brighton can only boast of 1) a statue of an eagle on a landfill disguised as a landscaped hill; and 2) a convenience store/gas station called Kum and Go (yes, that is the spelling) that somehow sells gas 20-30 cents cheaper per gallon than any other gas station in the state.

Hudson – Because according to A Beautiful Disaster, Hudson is the Gary, Indiana to Brighton’s Chicago.

NoBo (“North of Boulder”) – They are cruel to prairie dogs there; actually only one resident is cruel to those cute creatures.