Get Rich Quick!!!

The Blog is in an entrepreneurial mode today. How can the economy be in a slump when there are so many business opportunities out there? For instance, today’s health scare can be tomorrow’s gold mine. This can only mean one thing -- resale of McDonald’s tomatoes. At some point, people will be so craving fresh tomatoes that they will be willing to play Russian roulette with coveted tomatoes. Apparently, California and Florida tomatoes have been cleared by the FDA so how will anyone be able to differentiate between those tomatoes and the McDonald’s ones (even though the former may actually look like tomatoes)? Some contend the taste of a tomato does vary based on state of origin. For instance, the RTD rider evoked Meg Ryan’s famed diner scene from When Harry Met Sally when describing the taste of an Iowa tomato. But I do not think most people would be able to differentiate tomatoes based on their taste, particularly those in Brighton, which will be my test market.

My next possible venture is a facial cream for spas. Now, I know what you are thinking; the market is oversaturated with facial creams. But the magic of the market is that today’s cream is already yesterday’s news. I heard on the news that a New York spa is offering a new cream that contains nightingale droppings. Why should Denver women be denied this revolutionary treatment? Conveniently enough, there is a bird’s nest outside my front door which has been providing an endless supply of “droppings.” So I am going to combine those droppings with Oil of Olay which I shall purchase from Walgreens and distribute it to local spas. Given the fact that birds rarely seem to be constipated, I think I will have a bountiful supply. And while the droppings are not nightingale droppings, once again, I do not think anyone will be able to tell the difference.

Finally, I want to become a local distributor for Spanx. Spanx is a manufacturer of underwear made from a special fabric and crafted in a certain manner to eliminate visible lines. So like the Avon Lady, I will be the Spanx Guy. I suspect that Spanx, already endorsed by Oprah, is about to really hit the big time with its new Bra-llelujah! Product. This product eliminates visible bra lines. I never knew visible bra lines were a problem. Obviously I do not think this market is being fueled by men because I would suspect that men would predominantly prefer either no bra at all or visible bra straps that would serve as a sort of GPS for . . . well, you know. So what is fueling the push to eradicate VBL?

I feel that this issue is of such national importance that we should have the first debate of First Lady candidates moderated by Oprah. For instance, with her Jackie Kennedy Camelot look, one would think that Michelle Obama is fine with VBL, but given her place on the Best Dressed List, perhaps she already is non-VBL. And how about Cindy McCain? VBL may be part of the conservative platform. But hubby John is a moderate, and if you believe the tabloids, his deftness with varying bra straps places him in the Clinton/Spitzer league. So perhaps Cindy likes to challenge him particularly as his eyesight begins to wane. If boxers vs. briefs could be a campaign issue in 1992, VBL could be the defining issue in 2008. In which case, a Spanx distributorship would be golden.