Maryland, My Maryland

Another hopefully magical part of my blog will be able to take topic suggestions and develop them for integration into the tapestry that is my world of whimsy. Today, Mary told me how her outside counsel had a layover in Maryland. The outside counsel, we will call him “Dagwood” for now so as to give him proper incentive to come up with another alias, has been aiding us (and by us I mean my employer to whom I shall designate the alias “ACME Company”) in litigation against the Maryland Parks Commission. By way of background, I lived in Maryland from 1982 to 1998 with a three year sojourn to NYC for law school. I will not delve into the details of the litigation but let us just say Maryland thinks their parks are more valuable than even what an unearthed Eden would bring in today’s market. And let me, as a former Maryland resident, just play Devil’s Advocate, or in this case, Serpent’s Advocate, and say that between housing developments, roads, soccer fields, and Metro expansion, the green, green grass of parks in Maryland is highly endangered. Mary suggested to Dagwood that he go investigate the park at issue during the layover to see if it is “all that”. I do not know if he did or not, but that is of little relevance to my notion of reality. In my version of “Real World” he did. And in my version of the Real World, it was not a simple inspection. I have always wondered why certain downtown parks in Denver have a midnight curfew. I have a possible theory. I suspect that Dagwood used to pull an Old School/Will Ferell by jogging au naturel in Denver city parks after midnight; hence the need for a curfew. I also think his strange jogging patterns are a combined byproduct of the trauma of an incident involving a tent and the stifling social mores of his neighbors. I will enlist Serena Algeria to keep an eye out and see if Dagwood makes any strange forays after midnight in the direction of Denver city parks. (Editor: I must intervene. This post is going nowhere fast. Not only is it inaccurate it is implausible. While Dagwood may share Will Ferrell’s sense of humor, there is no physical resemblance. Also Blondie would never allow Dagwood to jog in a park at midnight, much less “au naturel”. If this is any indication of future posts, this blog should die a quick death. Surely we have not sacrificed the written word and the oral tradition for dribble like this. But let me just say, Maryland does have nice parks).