Surprising Development on Eve of DNC

In a surprising development, former Vice President Al Gore threw his hat into the ring for the Democratic Party’s Presidential nominee. Mr. Gore explained the dilatory nature of his entry as a result of waiting for a groundswell of Democrats to urge him to jump into the race. This groundswell never materialized, however. Mr. Gore said, “I thought for sure after I snagged that Peace Prize that people would push me to run; after all even Bill never won a Peace Prize.” Mr. Gore said he developed his strategy from the “hard-to-get” approach his wife, Tipper, used when they were courtin’. He noted, “she made me wait five years after we first started dating to get married, and then preached abstinence for the first three years of our marriage. That is where I learned that abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.” But it did not work out that way with the electorate. Gore also sought to preemptively snag Joe Lieberman as his proposed Vice Presidential nominee noting the bond they developed in the 2000 campaign. In fact, Mr. Gore said he was a bit jealous of the bond Lieberman and Sen. McCain seem to share. Mr. Gore lamented, “I have some silver hair too and I can also recklessly threaten to invade any country that crosses me.” Sen. Lieberman said something to the effect of “there will be a Palestinian state before I hitch my wagon to Gore again!”